ADMINISTRATIUM The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by physicists at PPPL. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons, but a large number of deputy neutrons, assistant neutrons, associate neutrons, division head neutrons, and branch head neutrons. Its massive nucleus is held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over seven days to complete, when it would normally occur in less than one second. Administratium has a normal half life of approximately one year, at which time instead of decaying it undergoes a reorganization in which some neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic weight actually increases after each reoganization. This phenomenon has been named the Moronic effect. Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere and tends to concentrate at government agencies, large corporations, universities, and nuclear fusion laboratories. Invariably, it is found in the newest and best maintained buildings. Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.